PISS POT PETE
Now gather round children and I'll tell a story of old,
When men were brave and women were bold.
It all started a way out west,
To settle the bet of who was best.
Now Old Lill fucked everything that crawled or creeped,
And piled her victims in a great big heap.
There wasn't a man for miles around;
With a big enough rod to fuck her down.
Now news of this boast traveled far and wide;
Thousands of rod-toters came and died.
When down from Texas came Piss Pot Pete,
With eighteen pounds of Swinging Meat.
Eighteen pounds of throbbing meat,
And thirty pounds of cod;
A long time had past since being a boy....
This was a Man.... by God!
Pete laid it out on the Blue Balls Bar;
I'll swear it stretched from thar to..... thar.
Stunk like shit, I thought I'd die;
But he just laughed and let it lie.
Gentlemen, countrymen, boys in blue;
Came to witness this terrible screw.
People came from miles afar,
To place their bets at the Blue Balls Bar.
They met the next morning in the middle of the street,
The Mangey Whore and Piss Pot Pete.
Pete greased his dick with a tub of lard,
And he killed a mule trying to work up a hard!
Old Lill warmed up on an old cross-tie;
Oh my God how the splinters did fly!
Pete came down Main Street like a south-bound freight,
And Old Lill knew she had met her fate.
All she could do was to take a seat,
And let old Pete sink his meat.
With a stretching of flesh, and tearing of skin,
Old Pete drove the first two feet in.
Old Lill screamed and clawed at the grass,
And yelled like a panther with a turpentined ass!
Lill let out a scream, "I can't take any more!"
But Pete pounded away on the smelly old whore.
The earth shook and dark came to the sun;
Pete's eyes rolled back and he fired off his gun.
When the battle was over and the dust had cleared,
Over forty acres, Lill's ass was smeared.
Gallons of love were spilled out in the street.
It was so damn sticky, you couldn't pick up your feet!
Land was torn up for miles around,
Where Old Pete's balls had drug the ground.
Pete reeled in his dick, and pounded his chest;
Got on two horses, and rode off West.
As a lasting memory to the great Old Whore,
They hung her drawers on the Bar Room door.
And all the soap this side of hell;
Couldn't wash away that whorehouse smell!
Now Old Pete died and went to hell;
Fucked the devil and his wife as well!
The little imps screamed and climbed the wall,
Yelling, "Get him out of here before he fucks us all!"
He fucked ninety-eight and his balls turned blue,
Then he backed off, jacked off, and fucked the other two.
There was an old fellow named Paul,
Whose prick was exceedingly small,
When in bed with a lay,
He could screw her all day,
Without touching the vaginal wall.
THE GOOD SHIP VENUS
T'was on the good ship Venus,
By Christ you should have seen us!
The figurehead was a whore in bed
And the mast was a raging penis.
The captain's name was Morgan,
A homosexual gorgan!
Three times a day he used to play
With his erotic organ
The captain's wife was Mabel
Whenever she was able,
She'd lie prostrate with the second mate
Upon the captain's table.
The ship's dogs name was Rover,
The crew they bowled him over.
They screwed that hound around and round
From Adelaide to Dover.
The captain's eldest daughter
Was swimming in the water.
Delighted squeals revealed that eels
Had found her sexual quarter.
The cabin boy was Pipper,
An artful little nipper.
He stuffed his ass with broken glass
And circumcised the skipper!